Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
