I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
