i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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