Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
