I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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