Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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