Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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