Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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