nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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