well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
