also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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