it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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