He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
this must be what syphilis tastes like
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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