i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
