John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
