he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
