i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
