There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
