I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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