Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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