she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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