the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
