hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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