I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
