Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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