somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
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we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.