Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
someone threw a dead crab at me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
