Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.

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(734): View more from Michigan

swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.

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(925): View more from California

I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible

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(734): View more from Michigan

He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
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(785): View more from Kansas

this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..

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(602): View more from Arizona

It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?

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(302): View more from Delaware

so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.

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(510): View more from California

all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask

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