Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass