i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dating After Heartbreak
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag