You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
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So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup