Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.