i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
