my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize