Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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