As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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