i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
