why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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