I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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