girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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