I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
