Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
