It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
we're so committed to being not committed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
