If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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