You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize