i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
