the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
