I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
