If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
