I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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