Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
