Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
