think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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