I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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