my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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