dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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