May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
