I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
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The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
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Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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