He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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