MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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