so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
