You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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