Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
