Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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