I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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