So drunk, too bad you don't want this
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
is it fun? or sober?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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