Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
