Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just had sex on a roof
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
