I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
