so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
